- one buck short -

hmm. loads happened these past few days. havin not connected to the net for the past weekend’s like a fish on land. posts would then be off since the mood’s no longer there as when things happened. been rather depressive [ oh hey! ] the past weekend but things have since cleared up. feelin motivated and high spirited although i should prolly get some sleep now as i’ve been crammin for my finance paper this afternoon since last night, all the way till i nter the hall. fuu. nerve-wreckin for i didn’t get much sleep though i was in bed.

anyway, i stopped my lessons. many a times the scene of me signin the papers kept playin last weekend. part of me said that i should’ve have though i’ve already decided beforehand. now i’m left without my weekly fix which i was already missin when i was on the set for my final lesson. one year of investment.

plans for my break’s already in motion. right on track. still think i should queue up for em ‘death note’ merchandises tomorrow mornin. ahh. got a paper to prepare for this thursday before i’m off for a short break and resume for my final paper on monday. things have been pretty well, the energy’s there. hope it’ll last. i want it to.

happy hell-o-ween y’all!

saturday’s the day for it. though it’d become bleak with the passin of each week. passion for it have never died since i was in high school, just that at that time i couldn’t fend for myself for lessons till recently. the rate i’m payin for now’s ain’t that worth it for a half an hour class but hey, who am i to say since it’s the market rate after i scouted ’round. not much can be achieved in one hour’s time, leave alone half an hour.

then i was havin lessons on another instrument which lasted two hours per session per week, dreadful at times but most of all – fun. couldn’t play as well as some friends can despite all those years studyin it in which they just completed it within 3 years. imagine those fees paid then, time value of money, i’d lessons since i was 7. the more i think of it, the more i hate my instructor, she’s nothin but a con artist. taught me songs i already knew and seasonal songs which were repetitive over the years. cute, right but bs! and her main focus were always the xams.

maybe i was and still am not musically inclined at heart but i love music. maybe because of the system which has/had/still is screwed/screwin the equation. someone said this to me recently: “never say you’re not good at it, just say ya’d do ya best“. something along that line. it hit as an inspirational mark for a moment before my depression kills all. wonderful.  

most likely going into hiatus from my current lessons due to several reasons. one being the discouragement i get from my parents since 4 or so months ago. ahh. afraid that i’d never return for i’m one who does not look back [ at certain things ]. just like the pawns in a game of chess.

too much to handle recently. shall leave with a say i was told over tea just a few hours ago: “look up for inspiration, look down for consolation”. humans & psychology, intriguin. what’s a post without images? hmm. njoy!

hadn’t been a good day. though the weather had cleared with all the haze gone, i somehow been walkin ’round with a black cloud over my head. ahh. feelin very depressive. recuperatin in my small corner now. feelin slightly better.

the place i used to be at was no longer filled with warmth. how i miss those days. the people who created the nvironment were no longer there and how i wish for their return. sure is different without em. sometimes a spark’s all it takes to create a fire to brighten everything. that’s how those individuals were and always will be. seeing em once in a while’s heart warmin. they set the mood and sometimes give me hope. ahh. and just that time when i returned, one of em ignited something within me which i’ve not felt for so long, and he still does.